Tuesday, February 8, 2011


We have been organizing our basement lately. It is a very overwhealming job. I am finding boxes that have not been unpacked since we moved into this house... three years ago. There are things like half empty packs of gum and "TO DO LISTS BEFORE WE MOVE" with only a few things marked off.
I also found the box I packed when I quit my job... five and a half years ago.  Everything from my desk in my cute corner office is packed away. My pens and pencils, keys and copy cards, photographs and frames. It is like that part of me stopped when I packed the box and walked out of my office. I had just had our first baby and thought working part time was a wonderful idea. I made it about ten weeks and quit and haven't opened that box since.
While organizing the basement I also went through box after box of books... hundreds of them. I have an impressive collection of books. I could fill an office with adult books. As I sorted through them, I said out loud, "I used to be intelligent."
I did. I used to read intelligent books and learn about things like the parts of the brain and how trauma impacts them. I knew things. I understood so much. I found notes from presentations that I made and was impressed.
Ainsley asked me what it meant to be intelligent. When I explained it to her, she responded, "Mommy, I think that you are still very intelligent."
It was sincere. It was authentic. It was true.
I am still intelligent. I may have forgotten the names of the parts of the brain and the founder of contextual therapy, but I am still intelligent.
I know my family. I know what makes us tick. I know each of my girls and my husband. I know myself. I am learning about their hearts and their little spirits. I know their medical conditions and their birth marks. I know their scars and where they came from. I know who likes corn on the cob and who likes it cut off. I know their favorite books and the cartoons that make them smile. I know their bedtime routines and their lovies they can not sleep without.
So, the books can wait because right now I know what matters most.

1 comment:

  1. I think you're a smarty, Jil. I, too, worked pre-kids and for a bit with a kid. I miss it sometimes, but agree that I'm where I'm supposed to be. Our youngest will be 4 this year and soon enough I'll be working again. I'm cherishing every day here. Right where I should be.