"This child meant so much to me. I had fought for her. I had not given in. She was my victory."
(taken from Sarah's Key by Tatiana de Rosnay)
"I will never be the same."
There are no words.
There are so many feelings.
But no words.
Being pregnant obviously changes your life in a cliche' kind of way. You have a living being growing inside of you. It is weird but amazingly awesome.
But being pregnant with Brooke was different. There was so much pain and confusion. So many questions and fear. So much loneliness. So many secrets.
It changed me. As a person. As a mother. As a wife. As a Christian. As a daughter. As a friend.
And it has taken me two years to be able to say "I will never be the same".
And I am still trying to figure out if this is an acceptable thing.
I am trying to figure out how this changed me fits into my marriage and into my role as a mother. How my changed view of life and God works. How I work through the fear and anxiety my daughter has developed. How I make sense of my inability to explain it all...